Writing Anxiety

The school year is finally over and as an added bonus I get to enjoy a couple days of rest while my work schedules undergo their usual summer changes. I have had a full day off today and I get one more tomorrow before the hours pile on between my two jobs for the rest of the summer.
While it's nice to relax for a while and just kick back, I feel like I should have done something slightly more productive today. Earlier I went for a walk, read, serfed the internet, and watched TV, which is all well and good for a full day off. But I was thinking that maybe I should have, you know... written something?
This is my problem. I have all of these ideas and certainly a strong desire to write, but when the time comes to actually start I get a little nervous. Even lazy. Alot of us who write know that getting started tends to be the hardest part, but unless I am forced to start something for an assignment, I stare at a blank page for a minute then go and find something else to do. It's just too hard, so I'll slide out of it by convincing myself that there is something much more important that I should be doing, like cleaning my room or catching up on VH1's "40 greatest reality TV moments." That's information that we all need to know in this day and age, right?
I will not make any promises to myself (as I have done many times before), but I want to put an honest effort into writing again. Even if it does turn into flightly little glimpses of stories spewed out on a blog, it will be something. Not that I made this blog with the intention of posting my work on it; I tried that once before and I gave up on the story as soon as I had started it. But, tid-bits of things could pop up here and there.
I'm still not really sure what this blog will end up being about. The title implies a writing theme but i'm sure you (whoever my followers will be eventually, I have none yet) will get a range of different kinds of posts.
It is now 6:20pm, the day is getting older but there is still plenty enough day to enjoy. I might end up reading to get the gears in my brain going again, and hopefully tomorrow I will use the day to do some writing.

Beautiful Day

What a gorgeous day it is! I can't wait to go outside and walk the freshly made trails behind my house.
It likes to rain alot in Rochester, and though that fact is also why most of us who live here learn to like it, an exceptionally beautiful day is heavenly; a rare treasure for Rochesterians to cherish and enjoy.
Going out to soak up the sun and hoard some well-needed vitamin D.

Beginnings

"The Dream Weaver" is an old poem I wrote a couple years ago, and even though this blog is about new beginnings I thought it would be a good way to start my creative journey back to writing.

This coming year will be all about change for me. My boyfriend Dan is a Marine who has just deployed for Afghanistan, and while he is gone I will be finishing my senior year at SUNY Brockport. I don't know what I'll end up doing after that, sense I am an English major who has no plans of ever teaching. People like to point that out, sense they believe that English major - teaching = failure. Even though I am unsure of the future and how 'successful' I will be, I beg to differ.

I have spent the last six years enrolling in school, then dropping out, then taking breaks and swearing to never go back. I tried liberal arts for a while, then communications, and a concentration in literature to set myself up for a teaching career, but nothing felt right. Finally I switched my concentration from literature to creative writing. It was no surprise to me to feel like college was no longer a pointless endeavor. What I was studying finally felt right.

I had to accept that the only way I was going to see the point in finishing school was to do something that I love, and have a reason to do. I love to write, and even though I sometimes wish it were different, I cannot see myself doing anything else with my life.

I have a strong desire to be creative again, but with that desire comes fear of failure. It is so hard to face a blank page with no clue of where to start or how to express the ideas that are racing through your mind. But I have to start somewhere, and the only way I find out if I've still got it or not is to get to work!

The Dream Weaver

I fell asleep to chase the Dream Weaver,

Since then i haven't woke.

The world keeps on spinning

As I watch the lives around me grow.

Love is found, babies are born, Seasons change

And i am witness to it all

Because i can't stay on the ground.

'When will i wake up?'The old woman at the spindle laughs.

'Half in the world, always in the sky!

Life is made rich in the dirt my dear.

How can you hope to move on Earth

While you're running through stars,

Chasing The Dream Weaver?